Back in my University days, I, like every other self-important douchebag with an afghan and Photoshop claimed I was a web designer, sometimes on days it suited me, a graphic designer.
I was studying English and American Literature, you see, so it wasn't like Law, where you have a direct career path, or at least a good idea of where to go with your degree. Truth is, I had created maybe a home page or two, and a handful of other graphics, but nothing that anyone had ever paid me for.
This, after graduation, meant I was unemployed. Armed with a second class degree and nothing else, I went to the Job Center to look for work and to collect my benefits. Twelve weeks passed with me going in every Tuesday to sign on, basically being told there was no work for someone with a degree, and with a degree the menial jobs won't employ me because they know I'll move on once a better opportunity arrived.
Towards the end, my Job Sensei (the actual title escapes me) revealed that if I could prove I was self employed, I could claim my £50 a week without having to sign on, giving me twelve weeks of uninterrupted free money.
I should probably tell you something here. When you feel the government screws you at every turn and is run by pompous arseholes, it becomes very hard to turn down free money from them. It feels justified.
Anyway, in that time, I decided that I should give proper web design a shot, so I talked to my Dad who is forever starting new companies, and after due process with Financial Directors and different boards, I was given the contract to build my first corporate website with a four figure sum.
This is when I discovered something - web design is BORING. I spent the majority of my time holed up in my room dealing with different shades of corporate blue and silver for the best part of 100 hours. My ability in Flash meant that I had something above most other faux-web designers, so I got away with it, and after a while, the site was finished, they approved, I got paid.
Then after that, to manage the website, I was given £250 a month on a year long contract. And then another website to design, and another contract. I was being called up to London for a few days a month to be an IT Consultant, or even a Marketing Executive whatever that meant, getting £80 a day and all expenses paid.
See, this sounds cool, but this money came, and comes at a price. Firstly, you actually have to work.
Anyone who knows me will realise that makes me sound like a giant hypocrite, but if I'm honest it took me nearly an entire month to even open Dreamweaver (a web design program) to get started*. I just needed that one time and I was off, but for all that time, I was in my room, absorbed in the work. I had no co-workers to talk to, nothing. I was living off my own back.
The problem with this is, it makes you a unrelenting piece of shit to your friends. You're an adult now, you're making money your way when they're still serving drinks behind a bar to random people who don't give a shit about them, where your work is appreciated.
But it's not worth it, it turns you into a monster, an arrogant bastard who prioritises himself above others and thinks the world revolves around him. I was there, and at times I still am there. It cost me a lot of friends and a lot of decisions I regret. Some people are impressed with what I did in those times, but I'm not. If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. There is only one good thing that came out of that process, and it's coming down to stay for a week this Tuesday.
The result? Balance. I now work at an independent coffee shop and restaurant part time, about 20 hours a week. I supplement my income with my web work, but my 4 shifts ensure I'm around people who aren't afraid to tell me to shut up. It keeps me balanced and sane.
I guess my point is, self employment isn't cool, it isn't better than anyone else's menial job. There are a few people I've met at work who I consider to be far better people than me who live on far less.
Self employment may as well mean self involved, I just wish I could go back to my University self and tell him that everyone can see right through his bullshit.
*I should probably point out that this entire blog post is procrastination from work I was given three days ago.
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